vaginal lubricant
Aging causes some vaginal dryness -- as does lack of sexual arousal. If your wife is only beginning to have vaginal dryness at 65, the two of you have been especially fortunate, since many couples who have a satisfying sex life encounter the problem much earlier. There are many possible causes for the recent change and several ways you might proceed.
It could very well be that her hormones have finally eased up, which could lead to a decrease in vaginal lubrication.
It also could be that she secretly used saliva or some commercially available lubricant to facilitate penile-vaginal intercourse for years, and she recently decided that she was unwilling to fake it anymore and wanted you to know the truth.
She also may be less aroused lately by the manner in which sex occurs between the two of you. Have you altered your approach or sexual style with her? Has the amount of time and energy devoted to arousing her with nonintercourse activities decreased?
Rather than deciding the answers to these questions on your own (particularly since you say the two of you have never been very satisfied with your sex life together), ask her specifically for the answers. It could lead to a solution that you might not have imagined.
If your wife states that she is baffled by the decrease in her lubrication despite feeling sexually aroused, then it would be appropriate to include a vaginally safe lubricant. Avoid products that have any derivative of mineral oil and anything that starts with "petro-." Most drugstores are now carrying the right kind of lubricants in either the condom section or the feminine products aisle.
If, on the other hand, your wife says that the sex has changed and she is no longer as aroused, then try to learn what she finds different about it. If what you want is to have physically enjoyable sexual contact, it will be important to learn what would arouse her. That way, you can facilitate the desirable physiological changes that occur with arousal and include additional bottled lubricant as needed when you both desire it.
Keep in mind that lubrication for women is the counterpart to erection for men. As we age, we are still capable of sexual response but usually not as rapidly as before, so be sure to give yourselves plenty of time to get aroused. Include lots of unpressured, pleasurable touching of the whole body and genitals in order to get the juices flowing for you both.
